Okay, you asked for it. Final Fantasy X is one of the worst video
GAMES ever made. More than that, it's downright offensive and insulting to the video
game industry. Squaresoft can never be forgiven for creating such an abomination. I didn't think it was possible for me to hate a video
game this much, but Squaresoft has managed to undermine all of my expectations. This
game makes Final Fantasy VIII look like the greatest RPG ever made, not to mention the greatest story ever told. Now, the fact that I consider FF8 a major disappointment can offer you an idea of just how much I absolutely despise FF10. This pompous pile of vomitous, self-indulgent trash was incoherent, juvenile and pathetic. Full of ridiculous dialogue and scenes that went nowhere, this was quite simply *the worst*. Fifty FMV hours of Tidus and Yuna trying to fart the Star-Spangled Banner wouldn't be any more revolting, IMHO. Why the hell do we keep putting up with Squaresoft's childish symbolism and ridiculous writing, anyway? I guess it's because we are RPG fans, or as we should be more properly known, Squaresoft's sodomites. The "Sin" of this
game is that I'd rather stab my eyes with sharp pencils than spend one second watching any of the cinema scenes from Final Fantasy X again.
Now, for an in-depth analysis:
1. The characters and storyline were absolutely laughable. Tidus, the *NSYNC reject, is interrupted from his water polo tournament because he has to travel 1000 years into the future to save the world. The whole "let's stop a supervillain from destroying the planet" plotline wasn't what brought down FF10's story, though. Yes, it was bland, repetitious and tiresome, full of random, scattershot scenes and cryptic pronouncements about the weight of the events that are unfolding (or unravelling, if you ask me.) It also featured the usual hit parade of characters that Squaresoft always likes to trundle out and make jump through hoops during the course of their Final Fantasy titles. You've got Tidus, who is *I guess* supposed to make the girls swoon over his Abercrombie & Fitch looks, but as soon as he opens his mouth, disaster strikes. Featuring a whiny, annoying voice that should not under any circumstances belong to the main hero of a FF
game, Tidus is a downright pathetic character. Of course, all of the pop-crazed teens who watch TRL every afternoon must adore this guy. Yuna, Wakka, and the other forgettable cast members are all repulsive stereotypes. I've never seen such a pack of unlikable losers assembled in one video
game. And imagine my disgust when I discover that they all remain the same throughout the entire
game! The voice acting is atrocious, and brings down almost every cinema scene in the
game. The dialogue only discusses the most essential aspects of the
game, so you're left trying to cover your ears while you try and figure out where the story isn't going to go. The script is absolute garbage. Squaresoft seemed to be more interested in showing off the bad voice acting then trying to make the characters act and talk like real people. There's no room for thoughts, jokes, feelings, memories, or revelations. In short, there's no room for character development. The script has been sacrificed so that the character can be enveloped in a "cinematic experience", yet there's no "experience" at all. The plot moves by at such a slow pace and never picks up. Since it isn't the slightest bit interesting or surprising, this means that boredom is sure to ensue.
2. The
game's success and popularity rides on three things: hype, name recognition, and graphics. Practically any RPG fan will play this
game because it's got the words "Final Fantasy" on the box! "And say, don't those graphics look great! Never mind that the rest of the
GAMES blows huge whale butt, I want to stare at the screen for hours!" Well, I'd prefer not to play a
game that involves me watching a cinema scene every five minutes. That in turn means that the characters are going to talk, which gets me pissed off all over again. So, every time I think that this
game isn't *that* bad, I have to watch another CGI sequence involving Tedius...erm, Tidus...and the rest of his friends. This wasn't a story or a
game, it was an interactive movie with a bunch of lame spoken-dialogue strung together by using a vague, psuedo-religious smog-and-mirrors plot.
3. Speaking of the plot, Squaresoft's wretched religious symbolism has never been more obvious or juvenile. The evil enemy called 'Sin', the natural disasters, the chosen one who can bring about world peace - Monica Lewinsky with her skirt up and her thumb in her thong was more subtle. It is phenomenal that a
game can fail on so many levels. The script was abominable and it dragged down and defiled every other aspect of the
game. The writers seemed clueless as to how each scene should be played, or else embarrassed by the utter garbage they were having to promote through their dialogue. And all this rambling Bible-rip-off bilge climaxed with...nothing. Tidus and Yuna and are left alive and unmolested as a prayer song arrives, destroying Sin and saving the world from the greatest evil the universe has ever known. What nonsense. It vaguely resembles the end of EarthBound, but while *that* was an excellent, compelling
game, this pile of crap just seems offensive to any denomination of Christianity. Sin would have killed 'em ALL, because even if all of these people 'atoned for their sins', they would never be able to challenge the power of an unstoppable evil entity. This
game had no logic whatsoever, and its plot was completely idiotic.
Finally, the
game is just plain boring. All of the elements of
gameplay that made the previous Final Fantasies enjoyable have been taken away, the battle system is moronic at best, there is no world map, the
game is totally linear, and the music is *awful* (Uematsu is the ONLY actual talent left working for Squaresoft, and even he has been poisoned by the culture of mediocrity). Is there anything good about this
game? Well, at least someone figured out that being able to use all of your party members during a battle is a good thing. Other than that shruggable innovation, Final Fantasy X is completely devoid of ANY good merits.
The following review from Amazon.com also sums up my feelings rather nicely:
quote:
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Why does Square think we don't want to have fun?
Honestly. The company turned a corner with FF7, deciding to concentrate on realism to the exclusion of entertainment value. Well, they haven't achieved realism by any measure (the graphics are still unexpressive and the voice acting wooden), their stories have become incomprehensible (FFX isn't much better than Xenogears or FFTactics), and the characters just about dare you to enjoy their company. Who in this
game is supposed to be likeable? Or cool? Or sexy, even?
It's hard to say. I would love a complex and subtle RPG, but you cannot afford to be subtle unless you first know how not to be *lifeless*, which Square apparently does not. The full voicing completes the process of draining the characters of energy, making them sound even dumber than they look and act. FFX is a huge chess
game where you don't know the players and don't understand the rules...and *never* figure it out.
This installment also takes away the world map, meaning that you have just about no choice in what section to play -- were any of us clamoring for this change? No. Nor did we care to lose the method of running from battles that dates back to the SNES; the encounter rate is ridiculous and getting out of battles is *hard*. Other demerits -- the music is Uematsu's worst effort to date (exactly one memorable tune, and it's not even a cool one), weapons and armor are incredibly hard to upgrade, and dungeons are tough to navigate even with an onscreen map.
The pluses -- blitzball is a terrific mini
game and it's great to be able to use the entire party in a single battle (something I've wanted for years). That's about it. This is a
game from which you should stay far, far away...even if you, like me, started playing the FF series with the first
game.