Real1ty
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Aug 20, 2006, 2:59 PM
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The FGF Tribune: Issue #1
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Issue #1
What is the Tribune?
The FGF Tribune is an online publication that we’ve put together so that everyone in the FGF community can hear about some of the more interesting goings-on in the forum. We sure as hell don’t want to bore you to death, so if you don’t like what you see, stop reading now. Otherwise, let’s begin.
Meet the Staff
All of us at the Tribune staff would like to tell you a little about ourselves!
Real1ty
On myself:
“Grew up in a trailer in the wonderful state of Alabama. During his childhood, he was fed a steady diet of alcohol, moon pies, and french fries. After that, he went on to Juliard, to major in music, until, in a freak smelting accident, he lost his wonderful ability to play the violin and have children. At the same time. This threw him into a deep depression after which, he threw down his earthly belongings and became a street bum! Real1ty can now be found on your local street corner, playing violin very poorly, shaking a cup full of pennies and nickels, and holding up a sign, which says "W1ll W0r|< pH0r PhR33 s700f!!!11" Luckily, he was able to hide in the bathroom of his local library till closing time, and log on a computer to provide you with this week's content!”
Neocloud101
Neocloud on himself:
“Some Indian peasant in America with a pure, American attitude. Hates gangsters, wannabe gangsters, and wannabe wannabe gangsters. Rock FTW! Final Fantasy pwns. Loves to insult you all. Impersonates Hackers (Sorry Taz). Makes fun of retards. (Sorry, too hard not to make fun of them.) Will only try for vet when post count turns to 1337. Then they have to vote for me. They'll know I'm elite.”
Real1ty on Neocloud101:
“Indian jokes aside, he… he writes satirical gossip, about people, and… erm… oh **** it. He works at Dell tech support, likes curry and rice, and owns us all at standardized tests.”
Demosthenes
Demosthenes on himself:
”Demosthenes grew up in the ****ed up sea-side community of Santa Monica, CA, where peace marches, Latino gangs, and raving PCP crazed lunatics paraded the streets in their unnecessary wheelchairs. By the time he was a teenager, Demosthenes was already a healthy diet of cocaine, Cuervo, and frappucinos. His interests turned to psychedelic rock where he spent much of the time in his room listening to King Crimson and the Doors, while writing and playing his own musical endeavors. When he realized he was wasting away in several different senses of the phrase, Demosthenes believed it was time for a change. He went off to UC Berkeley where he majored in....I forget what. Now we find him in a slightly cleaner lifestyle but still maintaing an unsure perspective of the world. Between unemployment checks and squabbles with his psychotic neighbor, Demosthenes enjoys writing for the FGF Tribune.”
Real1ty on Demosthenes:
“He is basically like our cool older brother around here. I guess the rest of the staff could be called his annoying little siblings. Not like he actually has an annoying little brother or anything…”
Katiuscaa
Katiuscaa on herself:
“Drug FREEeeeeehehehehe”
Real1ty on Katiuscaa:
“Rumor has it that she actually is a cat, which would explain her nickname “Kat,” and sympathies that always side with cats. I’m not sure about this, though. It’s quite possible that she is a baby monkey or hamster as well.”
Silvera
Wait- is he in the FGF Tribune staff? His name rings a bell but I can’t recall…
Interviews
Silvera Interviews Unique:
By Silvera
Tribune: So, how does it feel to be FGF's newest Veteran? Happy? Does it feel different?
Unique: Well, I feel excited. It feels a bit different because I kind of take on more responsibilities?
Tribune: What, in your opinion, would you say those responsibilities are?
Unique: Hmm.
Unique: I get to choose if I think another enth. deserves to get the title. I can post my opinion on whether I think something new should occur to make the community better.
Tribune: What do you think are the attributes that a Veteran needs? (remember, take as much time as you need, there's no rush)
Unique: I feel that a Veteran should be able to voice their opinion. They shouldn't be the kind of person that abuses their powers. They should know when to joke and when to be serious because there will be times when you have to get serious. I feel they should be mature, but know when to sit back and have fun.
Unique: (lol, corny)
Tribune: lol
Unique: But, that's what I feel.
Tribune: That's fine.
Tribune: On a scale of 1-10, (10 be excellent, 1 being poor), where do you see FGF, and why?
Unique: About a 7.5. FGF has its flaws, but flaws are a good thing. They help you learn from your mistakes and give you the opportunity to make it better. I think FGF is a great community because we have our good times, too. When we do have the good times, it's just a good feeling.
Unique: lol more corniness
Tribune: lol
Unique: I don't really know what to say, lol.
Illustrations and Top Logo by Katiuscaa
Tribune: It's fine. I don't think many of us at FGF have had too much experience with a "press". :P What, in your eyes, do you think could improve your rating of FGF?
Unique: Lol, hard question.
Tribune: Yup. ^^
Unique: I'm not really sure, but I think FGF is fine as it is. We may have some flamers, spammers, and scammers... but besides that, were a pretty good community. Although, I do see threads starting to appear less interesting.
Tribune: Less interesting? What kind of threads would you envision as "more interesting"?
Unique: Well, there isn't a certain topic in a thread that would make it more interesting to me, but I like the type of threads where you can just have fun... where there isn't really a huge argument over a stupid thing.
Tribune: Well, this about concludes the interview. But one more question, just for fun. :)
Unique: mmk
Tribune: 7.) Which Enthusiast(s) do you think, with a bit more work, might have the capability of becoming Veteran, and why?
Unique: Oo.
Unique: There's several.
Tribune: Just name the top ones. The others will forgive you.
Tribune: (well, name as many as you want, I just don't want to hassle you ^^)
Unique: Bleak, he's intelligent IMO and he knows how to have a good time. He's a great person and he isn't the type of person who would stay alone in the shadows with opinions, but to shy to voice them. Pwnt, he's one of the few mature Enthusiasts and he has a great sense of humor. I think he could contribute a lot to the forums. Neocloud, ^ stated above. I think Invidious should be a Veteran as well. He's really mature and is really fun to talk to. He could contribute a lot to the community because he voices his opinion. He's not hidden in the shadows.
Unique: Alright. I think we're done here. Thanks. :)
Tribune: Lol, np.
NOVA- The Definitive Interview
by Demosthenes
Prologue by Nova
Novabizzare.net is proud to present the fruits of the efforts of one man – Mr. Demosthenes of the FGF Tribune.
This man spent months in the cold of Norway tracking down the elusive metal artist known only as Pheylan This guitar virtuoso and composer of over 16 metal albums has been credited with the murders of over 23 or his rivals but none have been proven and those who have come close are often found in the same state as the victims.
Demosthenes risked his life by entering the strange abode of this man, and finally, after years of silence he has brought us an interview with the most feared and renowned name in Norwegian Metal
Tribune:
What keeps you going to fgf?
Pheylan:
*Inhales deeply*
Probably the fact that the majority of the users there are followers of false metal. I believe that I was sent by the gods of metal to enlighten all those who would believe and kill the ****ing un-believers. Death to false metal!
Tribune:
What do you like to do with your FREE time...apart from FGF?
Pheylan:
I walk from this computer room, up a case of spiral stairs, and enter my bedchamber to find her there. The most luscious bitch you will ever meet, chained to my bed as always, obliging my every whim. For she is my love slave. Then I spit upon the whore, and call up Omar and see if he wants to ride bikes or something.
Tribune:
What is your opinion on Asian women?
Pheylan:
*shifts in large granite stone throne*
*eyes move from side to side*
Well, don't tell the other band members this...but I think they are...kind of cute. And I like how they giggle. It makes me smile...
*giggles a bit*
You're not putting that in the interview, correct? I didn't giggle, that was some sound trick.
Tribune:
Uh, actually I was planning on including everything into the interview.
Pheylan:
*rubs temple*
Let's just move on, no?
Tribune:
Sure.
Tribune:
Who is, by your standards, the worst FGF user, and why?
Pheylan:
Would it be possible for me to choose everyone personified into one person?
And if so, can I take my 18 inch cock of retribution and viscerally shove it up their ass until they are corrected?
Tribune:
...
I...I don't think...
Pheylan:
You are stuttering like a weak fool. Would you like to taste my dick as well?
Tribune:
Ok, thank you Pheylan, before we leave, do you have anything to say to the readers out there?
Pheylan:
Yes, I do indeed.
*gets up and stares at camera*
To all of the brothers of true metal out there, never give up the fight! And to that **** faced douche bag Athrin, next time I see my Asians removed from a post I will not be so forgiving. Hail and kill!
Gossip
Some Awkward Users in FGF
by NeoCloud101
(Skullivan)
Welcome to your first read of the gossip section in the first issue of the FGF Tribune. Now, for you slow-minded people, this section will be basically real news, in my own perspective.
Note: These are all jokes, and I'm mean. Please don't be offended. I'm going to use all these issues to annoy and make fun of everyone I know. Yay. So if you see your name in this section, don't be worried... too much.
Alright, let's cut to the chase.
There's "very little" tension going around. Let's have a close-up on what type of tension, shall we?
Some select veterans believe that too many stupid people are coming into our forum, and many of our smart users are leaving. One of them plainly states that if more people like one Wakka come, they will seriously start banning.
"Wakka wakka wakka wakka. I am pacman." -- Lotus Lecetoy on Wakka.
Wakka tries to be nice and is a good friend, so why is it that so many complain on Wakka's posts? Well, let's take a closer look on his posts:
Here's one:
"All [Final Fantasy 10] battles are easy because they have turns, not the classic loads for a turn." -- Syncth
"Not if are a noob
Don`t know anything english
And u do never train just go on.
Thats not goin`to work lol" -- Wakka
Umm... Can anyone decipher that?
Syncth replied to this post with, "What? I can't understand that... Why do you end you sentences in line btw and don't put full stops?"
Apparently Syncth can't either. ; )
*cough* Anyways, moving on to other people...
Another one of the "awkward" users we find today is one Skanky!
A spammer in many eyes. Well, I wouldn't say anything if he didn't do this particular post in the Runescape forum in the alt "GTA Ics":
Title: Need help
Post: "When I try to click the general forum its grey."
omgloserwtfiswrongwitun33b?!?!
OBVIOUSLY, you got banned.
Second of all, this was OBVIOUSLY going to reveal your true identity. If you're going to improve yourself you might want to keep looooowwww.... Like... not telling anyone and not acting like you used to if you wanna stay in FGF... That loooowww...
And another one of Skanky's alts has appeared. Rightaway, TazG banned him. But this alt really shows the inner stupidity in Skanky. The name is... *snigger* Wilber Chan.
Yay. Skanky is attempting to impersonate a 24-year-old Chinese guy who can't feed his family.
Title: Hey guys
Post: Im Wilber Chan im 24 years old, and I came to these forums looking for Free Games. My interests are reading, gaming, caligraphy and studying, so that I can get a good job to feed my family. I hope that i can make some good contributions to this forum while im here, since i might be too busy studying and stuff.
...
That's it. I give up, you're just [Expletive Deleted]ed up.
Skullivan
Random Crap
How to Deal with Flamers.
By Real1ty
I'd like to start out with an example on wheels.
Thread: “Favorite Foods”
You:
Post all your favorite foods here!
Mine is pizza!
Little Angry Man:
STFU and stop spamming about favorite foods!
You:
I just wanted to post a thread so we could talk about our favorite food.
Little Angry Man:
I just wanted to post a thread to discuss our favorite foods.
HA!!! You idiot- we aren’t discussing, we’re posting about our favorite foods! Stop spamming and GTFO!!111
You:
Same difference.
Little Angry Man:
Fuack you you fuacking nuab!
TazG:
My favorite food is French fries. Oh, and by the way, this thread sucks.
Noob 1:
This thread sucks.
Noob 2:
This thread sucks.
Luffy:
My favorite food is French fries.
You WOULD like French fries, wouldn’t you, FATAS!
Roy:
I like tuna potatoes. They heal 22.
Demosthenes:
GTFO of general
Roy:
STFU I’ll find you and ******* kick your ***! I’ll **** you up so bad! Don’t ever **** with me!!! Understand???
Pheylan:
You should really stop flaming.
Roy:
Don’t tell me what to do, tyrant! You want to hold me back and censor me feed your hunger for power!!!
Pheylan:
I’ll **** you up so bad! Don’t ever **** with me
Gossamer’s already done that for me.
Banannaman:
MY FAVORITE FOOD IS BANANNAS. GO ******* FIGURE
Peach Pit:
**** you peaches are better!!!
Me:
Kittens are yummy.
Katiuscaa:
Die bish.
Little Angry Man:
Good! Your thread finally died. Stupid fatty.
Little Angry Man [3 months later]:
Fatty.
Three Steps to Effectively Deal With Flamers
As you can see, flaming can be quite a problem here at FGF. Normally helpful and contributive members turn into mouth-foaming fanatics at the drop of a hat. Who knows what causes this, perhaps they’ve just come back from trying to slit their wrists and failing.
A typical flamer.
Anyhow, when it comes to dealing with flamers, you can effectively get rid of them in 3 easy steps!
1. Stop
First of all, make sure that you don’t encourage them. Flamers feed off others getting angry and upset at them, just like Skanky! feeds off attention. If someone is angrily accusing you of ‘spamming’ by posting a thread about horses, then continue talking about horses as if they aren’t there. If you absolutely must acknowledge them, do it in a totally ambiguous way, saying something along the lines of “What was that? I could’ve sworn I heard something.”
2. Drop
If the flamer persists, we should next totally change the subject. As a defense mechanism, most flamers will flee from anything that resembles complex thought. We can use this to our advantage by putting together a post which sounds intelligent, and we can humiliate them by having our “intelligent” and “scary” posts make the least sense possible! Now sit back and watch the ******* try and keep up with this discussion. “I do believe the induction vector of the fifteenth string dimension would NOT cause that sort of recursive microcosm. If you wanted to variegate its synergies, however, a scalable link interface could effectively mitigate our capsicum chinenses. In my regards, quod erat demonstrandum.” In the off chance that he seems to catch on, and realizes that what you just said is a garbled mess of intelligent sounding English and Latin words, don’t admit that you are right. Just make one reply, something like “It seems you are unable to disprove my theory. Until you can, quod erat demonstrandum,” and then get back to your normal discussion.
3. Roll:
If the above measures don’t work, and the idiot continues to flame you through PM, we will have to take some more extreme measures, and show this pathetic pest “how we roll.”
We should at least start out being reasonable.
Step one: Tell them to stop messaging you. Be polite.
Step two: If they continue to flame you via PM, you have two options- you could either try to find a moderator and get them banned. This is their last chance.
Step three: Now, if they’re still bothering you, the little ****** has gone too far. Unfortunately, we can’t block people with Gossamer, but don’t worry, I’ve got a way for us to take the law into our own hands! We’ll start out by sending them the classic goatse or lemonparty images. After you copy-paste these about a dozen times at the top of the message, add around, say 50-80 random, preferably very high res images at the bottom. It doesn’t matter what they are, just be sure to use a slow image host, like Imageshack. This will hopefully make his computer crash, or grind incredibly slowly, while he has nothing to see but your pretty pictures! I would strongly recommend not to preview this message. Now, send your shock site/image bomb to that flamer to exact your sweet, sweet revenge! If he has the nads to reply back to you, and call you “gai,” respond by tubgirl this time! If shocking images doesn’t get rid of the idiot, you’ll have to scare him away! All you have to do is get his IP address from a mod, do a whois check on www.samspade.org, look up his address on Google earth [blue in the link later], and send a satellite photo of his house, along with the message “I know where you live.”
So, as you’ve now seen, the dull witted creatures that we have named “flamers” are easily to deal with, as long as you keep your wits about you. Only YOU can pr… never mind.
Well, that about wraps it up for this issue. In two weeks, remember to look for The FGF Tribune: Issue #2!
"It worked, idk how. It probably wasn't healthy considering one time it bleed."
~coolgreencat
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