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May 20, 2007, 6:58 PM
Post #1 of 13
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Dead baby Jokes
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Some of these are a but rude... but not too rude
ok, ill start of on the real jokes...
* What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
* What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
* How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
* What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples
* How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
* Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.
* What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
* What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
[Expletive Deleted]ed.
* How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
* What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A B*g Mac.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
* What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
* How do you make a man pregnant?
Stick a dead baby up his ass!
* How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
* How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
* What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
* What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
* What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?
Phil.
* What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.
* What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
* How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
* How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!
* How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
* What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
* What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.
* Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
* at's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.
* Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
* What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
They're fun to ride until they die.
* What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
* What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
* What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
* What's red and goes round and round?
A baby in a garbage disposal.
* What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
* What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.
* Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus?
I don't know why they didn't either.
* Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
* How do you stop a baby from choking?
Take your dick out of its mouth.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
You don't have to bleed the golden delicious apple before you take a bite out of it
* What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
* How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
* What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you [Expletive Deleted] them up the ass.
* What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
* Why do you put a baby in the blender feet first ?
To see the expression on it face!
* What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.
* Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.
* What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before
* Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper
* What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.
* How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
* What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
* What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
* What do vegetarian ogres eat?
Cabbage patch kids.
* What's red, screams and goes around in circles?
A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
* What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
* What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
* What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
* What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.
* What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
* What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
* What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
* How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
* What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
* What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter
* What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
* What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in 1 trash can?
Finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans.
* How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a
bouquet of roses up his ass.
* What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.
* What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?
Making a bong out of it
* What's the safest way to play with a baby ?
With a condom.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
* What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.
* What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
* What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
* What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
* How do you get a baby out of a tree?
You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a piñata!
* What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
* What do you call a 30week-old preemie?
An Appetizer.
* What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.
* How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
* What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
* Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
* .What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
* What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
* What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
* What wiggles spits and is covered in [Expletive Deleted]?
An inside out baby!
* When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
* What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
* What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
* Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
* What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
* What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.
* What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to FREEdom.
* What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.
* What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
* What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
Art.
* What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!
* What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A FREEloader.
* What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
* What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
* What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
Crib death.
* Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
* How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
* What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
An erection.
* What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.
* What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
* How do you make a baby cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.
* What's the best sound in the world?
Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
* What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
* What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
* How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
* If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
* What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
* What's blue and sits in the corner?
A baby in a baggie.
* What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
* What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
* How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
* What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
Sexy.
* What's the worst thing about [Expletive Deleted]ing a dead baby?
Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!
* How do you spoil a baby?
Leave it out in the sun.
* Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.
* What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't [Expletive Deleted] a table.
* What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
ok, thts it for now... U like?
(all stolen from http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/)
http://www.unforgotten-realms.com/episodes.html
Player: Rob
Character name: Sir Schmoopy of Awesometon
Level: 2
Class(es): sorcerer 1, Barbarian
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